Time Flies

This summer will mark a moment that forever changed my life. A green postcard came in the mail one day asking upcoming 5th graders what kind of stringed instrument would they like to try. It was an innocuous moment at the time, but it proved to have been the moment that has altered everything in my mind to that point. Later that summer/first week of school, we had an instrument “petting zoo” which allowed us to try out all the different instruments and it was so cool to see them up close and in person. Up to that point, music was something I liked but wasn’t passionate about. It was just a fact of life to have music around me- but it wasn’t much of what I chose. I didn’t pay much attention to it except for small moments where it felt like I connected with an experience.

Upon that day, I tried the violin and viola and it didn’t quite feel right. Yet when the teacher (shout out to Mrs. Knoll) put the bow on the string and rang out an open D string, I felt all the DNA in my body activate in that moment. My consciousness opened up clearly. I didn’t know how or when, but I knew I needed to play music. And I needed to play this thing.

Fast forward many many years later, and it still seems like I’m working to reproduce that moment in my work. The moment when everything is clear and you are obedient to the muse within. Ideas are clear, (self) judgement is few, and you’re just in the moment creating. I never got into jazz purely for the notes- classical musicians are much more adept. It was the creation of clear moments that comes out in the music where we are all connected…that’s the music I like. And I love the feel of good pocket too.

If I had listened to the inner critic, the doubt, self-sabotage, the criticism, the misunderstandings, the perceived hate for one’s success, other people’s opinions, I would NOT be writing this kind of thing today. I would be moping in the land of “I wish I kept playing…” and there’s something sort of sad about that. Everyone has a voice and a desire to share it. I want my music to make it ok to use your own. My first gig on cello happened to be on a trio tour with Abdullah Ibrahim in 2014, 8 years after having not played cello regularly since high school. I had to practice furtively to get back to a level of comfort to play the music...and to find myself amongst some of the finest stages to perform. I only want to do more.

The time is now to put creations out there. I tell myself this to continue to forge through and create the kind of music that has always lived inside me. Believe it or not, as a kid, I felt a bit shy to share this kind of thing- would people understand me? The music? Would I be accepted? The more I live life, the less that matters and the more it matters that I keep the portal wide open like it did that auspicious day 25 years ago.

Always listen to your heart.